Being tough with children - getting them to be quiet sit still...and concentrate

[David Pinnegar]

Hi!

At a recent concert at Hammerwood, where I give free places to children and adults who bring children at half rate I reserved the front comfy sofa for a family . . .

I had been given the tip-off that a mobile phone was in evidence so I swept in on the point of announcing the performer and, espying the children with object in hand and earplugs to share announced to them that we were here today to hear a most amazing performer and so those things weren't needed and were to be put away . . . and then announced to the rest of the audience that the problem of our time is a 2 minute concentration span, the remedy to which was to listen to music of the like of which we were about to hear . . .

This audacity in telling other people's children what to do, in front of them, was enacted with the fear of causing offense . . . but considered that at the end of the day it would be their loss should they have taken offense . . .

Curiosity caused me not to be able to resist writing to the mother and asking whether they had enjoyed it . . . with the response

Yes, he was really incredible and the children have talked a lot about the whole experience. I know they will remember it for a long time. We look forward to returning - we thought a spring or summer concert perhaps - with Xxxxxxxxx in tow!
Thanks again.

So it really is worth being tough with other people's children. It's possibly the only time they'll have guidance in their lives . . . and they enjoy the result.

Best wishes

David P

[MusingMuso]

It all went wrong when we stopped burning coal. There were so many things to keep them occupied in those days.....chimneys to sweep, coal to be hauled out of the seams, coal scuttles to fill, ashes to be raked out and dispensed with, ranges to be cleaned and carbon-blacked, tinder wood to be chopped.

You want to eat?   Well clean out the range, polsh the brass and light the fire; then we'll think about mutton head stew!

Bless the little darlings.

Best,

MM 

[JBR]

MM is quite correct, although I have no personal experience of mutton-head stew!

As a primary school teacher (about to retire, thank God) I agree that many children are not used to doing what their parents tell them to do.  When I apply the school rules strictly, some of them are initially quite shocked.

Unfortunately, some of them twist their parents around their little fingers and insist that they come in and assure me what little darlings they are.

That's the real problem: the current generation of parents.

[ComptonNewbie]

Sometimes.

And sometimes not.

I have close experience on an autistic child.  Prior to this, I held strong beliefs that this was an excuse for poor parenting, lack of discipline and many other shortcomings.  I have changed my mind.  Whilst there are many who who use this label as an excuse for poor behaviour (by parent and child), there is a minority who have really do appear to have this condition.  Shouting doesn't help.  Long explanations don't help.  Occasionally, a diagram or comic-strip cartoon might help, but not often.  Sometimes he is stuck in a bubble, very lonely and unable to find or communcate with planet earth.  If it is due to parenting, I am sure his parents would dearly listen to any sincere advice of experience.

The one thing in his favour is that he will sit through an organ concert in near silence (classical or light music).  Music appears to be the one path that is open between him and others.

Simon

[MusingMuso]

Sometimes.

And sometimes not.

I have close experience on an autistic child.  Prior to this, I held strong beliefs that this was an excuse for poor parenting, lack of discipline and many other shortcomings.   I have changed my mind.  Whilst there are many who who use this label as an excuse for poor behaviour (by parent and child), there is a minority who have really do appear to have this condition.  Shouting doesn't help.  Long explanations don't help.  Occasionally, a diagram or comic-strip cartoon might help, but not often.  Sometimes he is stuck in a bubble, very lonely and unable to find or communcate with planet earth.  If it is due to parenting, I am sure his parents would dearly listen to any sincere advice of experience.

The one thing in his favour is that he will sit through an organ concert in near silence (classical or light music).  Music appears to be the one path that is open between him and others.

Simon

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Dear Simon,



Prior to Uni, I worked with handicapped children, and that ws over 40 years ago. Later on, I studied psychology as an ancillary, and mental health in some depth subsequently.(I had a friend who was paranoid-schizophrenic, and yet academically brilliant).

Autism was not as recognised at it is to-day, but it did exist and it was known by the professionals. Later research shows that the causes of autism have absolutely nothing to do with inadequate or faulty parenting, but no one knows for certain why the condition occurs. Many theories have been cited, from pre-natal and genetic causes, to  vaccines and even mercury elements, but no specific cause of autism has ever been isolated and it remains the most baffling of conditions.

The further problem concerned with autism, is the fact that autistic traits may also accompany other mental impairments such as schizophrenia, and it is sometimes very difficult to make the distinction. However, with schizophrenia, there tends to be mood swings and varying levels of association and disassociation, whereas pure autism is consistent and repetitive. Autism also covers a wide range of impairment, from mild symptoms to severe symptoms; some totally withdrawn and unable to interreact with others, and some mildly autistic and perhaps just "a little strange" by their behaviour and actions.

I've known two autistic people as well as one ever can; the first an isolatred and totally withdrawn child, who had the most severe symptoms; constantly twisting his hands together, never reacting when spoken to and just locked in a strange and unrecahable world. The second, an adult, is only mildly autistic, holds down a job, lives independently and is just a little strange in a harmless way.

Those with autistic disability may also become very agitated when patterns of behaviour or changes of circumstance occur, and as a consequence, it is easy to mistake this for ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Again, it is easy to diagnose ADHD, when it can simply be a case of parental neglect.

However, sticking with autism, I think it is important to know that it is not something which is caused by others, or what someone catches like a disease. Autistic people just are what they are, and some cope better than others. Above all, we must recognise that it is a recognised syndrome known to the medical profession, and not a funny name for something else.

Best,

MM